Lisa Marie Presley and I are in the same boat. Whether your child commits suicide or has psychopathy, others will judge and blame you and assume you were a terrible parent
By: Anonymous Parent
I had at least one thing in common with Lisa Marie Presley. We have both been suffering, misunderstood mothers. We have both felt criticized for the actions of one of our children, even though what my child has done is very different from what hers did. Lisa Marie’s son committed suicide and my adult child has psychopathy. But we both have felt accused that the actions of our children means that we weren’t “good” mothers. Some people even think both Lisa Marie and I got what we deserved as mothers. I call foul.
Although people who commit suicide and people with psychopathy are suffering from completely different problems, the parental experience, as it relates to dealing with judgments from the outside world, is strikingly similar.
Lisa Marie Presley Said She Was ‘Destroyed’
Here is Lisa Marie in her own words, in a People magazine article originally published on August 30, 2022 and updated on January 12, 2023. It was titled: “Lisa Marie Presley Said She Was ‘Destroyed’ by Son Benjamin’s Death but Kept ‘Going for My Girls’”.
“You will become a pariah in a sense. You can feel stigmatized and perhaps judged in some way… No matter how old they were. No matter the circumstances.”
This in regards to the death of your child by suicide. But I would say the same is true if your child has callous-unemotional traits, like mine does. You, the parent, will be stigmatized and judged–in particular if that child treats you poorly–which mine absolutely has. In fact, my child has harassed me, made false accusations against me, and then estranged herself from me. And yes, no matter the age of your child. And no matter how well you treated the child–that is, no matter the circumstances.
Lisa Marie went on: “Others will judge and blame you too, even secretly or behind your back which is even more cruel and painful on top of everything else.”
Definitely. Others WILL judge and blame you if your child has psychopathy, too. Almost always secretly or behind your back. And this DOES feel like, “On top of everything else.” Apparently being treated horribly by your child isn’t bad enough–the rest of the world piles on.
Lisa Marie said: “The unrelenting reality is that you are FORCED into this horrendous “club,” if you will, that you never wanted to be in or a part of, and you are FORCED to then, for lack of a better term, have to go and find your new people now.”
Parents like me HAVE been forced into a horrendous club. I HATE being in this club. And I HAVE had to find my new people. Unless you have had a child with a severe personality disorder I think it’s hard to believe that you, the parent, didn’t cause it. Your people, therefore, are other parents with children like this.
It makes me feel so ashamed. Why else would I write this article anonymously? And here’s a funny part –your child with psychopathy would LOVE the idea that they shamed you.
Lisa Marie said: “Obviously, no parent chooses this road, and thankfully not all parents will have to become a victim to it — and I do mean VICTIM here.”
Absolutely… parents like us are victims. I definitely feel like a victim of domestic emotional abuse. So yes. Nobody wants to be a victim of their child, but sometimes that happens. It can happen if your child commits suicide, and it can happen if your child has psychopathy.
For Lisa Marie and I–and millions of other parents like us–our child’s behavior tormented us, then the rest of the world judged us. I was surprised at the similarities between the two. Shocked, actually, at the similarities between having a child with psychopathy and having your child die by suicide.
Everyone knows people who had horrible parents but who treated their parents wonderfully nonetheless. There are also people with wonderful parents who treat their parents horribly, or who ended their lives and depressed their parents terribly.
You’re not in control of what you get from your children and you don’t get what you deserve from them–you get what you get.
When will the world stop shaming parents like Lisa Marie and me?